23-year-old discovers her parents secretly gave her college fund to her sister's business, leaving her with $60,000 in student loans, then gets asked to be a bridesmaid at her wedding: 'They all lied to me for years'

Cata Holmes • Writer

Jul 8, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

Can a family betrayal be forgotten just because years have passed?

A recent college graduate was left with more than $60,000 in student loan debt after her parents secretly gave most of her college fund to her sister's business years earlier. After discovering the truth and receiving no apology from her sister, she refused to attend her wedding.

When it comes to family disputes, there're no right or wrong answers on how to respond or forgive. Because of the deep connection to relatives, and especially siblings, these wounds take longer to heal, and it's more than obvious that someone would still be angry for something that happened years ago.

I think the part that must be hurting the OP so much is the fact that everyone lied to her: her parents and her sister. They didn't let her know she could count on her college fund because they helped her sister; instead, they lied to her and told her that the money was gone due to some bad investments. And since things like this can happen to anyone, the OP did nothing about it.

She still went to college, and after graduating, she's facing a debt of $60,000 because her parents did not let her know in advance how to solve things. And the worst part is that her sister wants her to be her bridesmaid, as if nothing happened. I'd be as mad as the OP is.

Her parents, the one that her sister her college fund, are blaming her for wanting to ruin the wedding, and they are making her feel even worse for not forgiving and letting things go. And the only thing that the OP is demanding is an apology from her sister, who knew all this time where the money from her business came from, and never said a word. Is that too much to ask?

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I (23F) graduated from college last year with a little over $60,000 in student loans. Growing up, my parents always told both my sister (27F) and me that they had separate college funds for each of us. My sister decided not to go to college, started working right after high school, and eventually moved out.

When it came time for me to apply to colleges, my parents suddenly told me there wasn't nearly as much money saved as they had expected. They said investments had gone badly and they'd help where they could, but I'd need loans.

It sucked, but I accepted it because I figured life happens.

A few months ago, while helping my parents clean out old paperwork, I accidentally found bank statements showing that my college fund hadn't disappeared because of bad investments.

It had been emptied over several years with transfers to my sister.

When I confronted my parents, they admitted that when my sister wanted to open a business a few years ago, they quietly gave her most of my college fund because they believed she'd "pay it back eventually."

The worst part was that nobody told me. They let me believe the money was simply gone while I signed loan after loan.

I confronted my sister expecting at least an apology.

Instead she told me that her business helped the entire family and that I was "lucky" to have gotten an education at all. She said I was acting entitled because "it's our parents' money."

Now she's getting married in a few months.

She wants me to be a bridesmaid like nothing happened.

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I told her I won't even be attending unless she at least acknowledges what happened and apologizes for benefiting from money that had been set aside for my future.

My parents think I'm trying to ruin the wedding over something that happened years ago. Some relatives say I should forgive everyone because "family is family."

From where I'm standing, they all lied to me for years, and I'm the only one still paying for that decision every month.

Luckly for the OP, the comment section is on her side and most Redditors gave her some helpful advice on how to proceed with this complicated situation.

Jen5872 "She said I was acting entitled because "it's our parents' money." Says the person who profited from your parents money. She doesn't get to call you entitled when she used your college fund.

herculaneum The simplest answer is that you can't afford the wedding because of your financial situation. I wouldn't even add "that you caused." Let them put 2 and 2 together. If your parents offer to pay for wedding stuff for you, the logical response is, "I will happily take $x dollars, but I will apply it to my loans rather than to something as frivolous as a wedding."

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FairyFartDaydreams NTJ you honestly should honestly go no contact with all of them

Jen0507 NTJ And I'm beyond sick of the victims always being expected to be the bigger person and forgive the emotional or physical crimes committed against them. No. Especially after she was a giant brat about it.

Valuable-Job-7956 NTJ If you have it on the record that she agreed to pay back the loan of your college fund then maybe it's time she started paying it back. You should speak to an attorney and see what your legal options are. And also if you want to be petty, go to the wedding and give a speech and explain how your sister's life was built on the money for your education

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23-year-old discovers her parents secretly gave her college fund to her sister's business, leaving her with $60,000 in student loans, then gets asked to be a bridesmaid at her wedding: 'They all lied to me for years'

Can a family betrayal be forgotten just because years have passed?

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